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That fucking blue color
Did I mention the blue color?
Home Movies Tube! Hello, and welcome back to ThePornDude wannabe reviews, I’m your host, PornGeek, otherwise known as a pathetic loser who sits and jerks off in his mother’s basement, and today I have a special treat for you all. If you’re a fan of homemade or amateur porn, then I guess that Homemoviestube.com is everything that you’ve been waiting for your whole life. With that being said, let’s not hesitate any further and just dive into it.
Fucking incredibly blue homepage
If there was ever a time where I wanted to be color blind, then this was it. Instead of choosing any normal color, they had to go with blue. You know how Pornhub has its significant black design with a little bit of yellow on the side or some sites that have like a red fucking background, which is generally cool because red for some reason really seems like a sexual color to me. Well, the color blue just reminds me of that guy from Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends, and that makes me really fucking uncomfortable, more than I make you uncomfortable basically any time I speak. But to stop the jokes for a little bit, when you first enter the homepage you will find that, if you can get past that disgusting color, the site is actually pretty neatly organized, and everything seems like it fits together just to make your browsing a bit easier.At the top we have videos and photos section, we have a categories shortcut, we have the top-rated videos, and we also have a couple of totally irrelevant and unimportant features like a dating site that we know doesn’t do shit and a live cam which ultimately redirects you somewhere else. At the left, we have the videos ranking box, where you can choose between top-rated, most viewed, the longest and most favored videos, which is actually kinda cool, and below that we also have like a list of both ordinary, and top categories and tags. At the center, you actually have the videos which are also neatly arranged, and right at the start, you can see that, even though it’s a site that revolves around a certain theme, it actually has really diverse content.
When you first enter the categories, right at the start you’re hit by a cuckold category, which is either a coincidence, or a really good fucking joke, which is also truthful, considering the fact that my struggle to find a fuck buddy can only be compared to the struggle of a paraplegic to learn how to walk finally. Anyway, as I said above, you can clearly see that the content is pretty diverse, and the categories perfectly showcase that. You have BBW content, Asian content, big dick content, wife, blowjob, brunette, compilations, MILF, POV, redhead, and basically, anything else that your twisted brain can make up/imagine.
When you choose to enter a particular category, let’s say MILF, one interesting thing that you’re going to notice is that, not only you can browse by tags, but you can also try to find your perfect poison through ratings, views, favored, length… I think that’s going to make the sorting through shit content in order to get to some great content much more easier and your masturbation sessions are going to be way quicker and intense, that is if you already haven’t lost the feeling and the ability to be fully erected like I did. Except for ThePornDude, that guy can make my dick go up like a rock in seconds.
The content itself
About the content, if you continue scrolling through the category, and I already picked MILF before, so I’m just going to continue using that as an example (obvious signs of mommy issues but okay), you can clearly see that you can find all types of shit. For instance, in the MILF videos, you can find just normal content like the husband and his wife making love, or you can find incestuous role plays, like the mother and her son. You can find a wife who is cheating on her husband with a black dude who could probably knock the teeth right out of your fucking skull with his cock, while her lovely and faithful cuck of a husband is watching while slowly curling into a ball and crying about the day he first decided to put his wiener inside of a cage.Also, and this is an obvious one, you can find every single MILF size here, and another thing, some of the MILF’s on here could definitely fit into the mature category, and some of these girls could also fit in the younger adult category. It looks like everybody can just roleplay anything, and as long as that head looks good, we’ll let it slide. And that is also everything that you’ll need to know about the content – you have everything, every scenario, age, size, role, sexual act, and you can just lay back and choose whatever the hell you want to watch. Now that’s pretty fucking amazing, right?
Special perks, I guess
One ‘perk’ that I notice you get on here is the ability to upload your own content. So in case you have like a fetish of having sex or masturbating while being watched or watching someone else have sex and recording it (which one is more believable, huh?), you can get the chance to do so and express yourself. So it’s great that they offer some kind of encouragement for the people who want to turn porn into their side job and make a little something out of it or just do it for fun.
Also another perk, well it’s not a perk unless you pay for it, but still, is the premium membership. Now, I will discuss the way to obtain memberships in another minute, so bear with me okay, I don’t want you to call me a useless fuck-face, my mother already calls me that. Just hear me out. If you want to get unlimited streaming and downloading, no ads, more videos, and a private collection of great amateur porn videos, then the premium membership will definitely suit you.
It is the truth that you need to pay for it, but there is an even better thing that I need to tell you. The one-month membership is around $30, yeah, no fucking shit, but you can either decide to test it out for like one dollar, or you can choose to buy a full year membership which will only charge you like $5 a month, which is basically nothing. There’s also a little catch – the offer is only a limited time deal, so be sure to go grab it before it disappears (which is the same thing I said to the only girl who ever liked me, and that was in 10th grade).
Registration and conclusion
Now before we conclude this, I’ve already told you some details about the premium membership, like the prices and what not. One asshole-ish thing about this website is that, by using that fucking disgusting blue color, and sometimes adding like a little bit of white, they managed to disguise the free membership, and I actually didn’t see it for like fifteen minutes, and just sat there thinking like holy shit, is there not a free option to this? Well, yes, there is. The only thing is that you basically need to be either trained in the army or so fucking addicted to porn but broke that you’ll spot that free membership from a mile away.So don’t even bother searching for the premium, and I don’t even have to explain any more details, you’ll see for yourself. But the free membership only requires you to think of a clever username, a secure password, and to put in your email. And to confirm you’re not a robot. Dude, I’m not a robot, I’m just trying to buy one for sexual purposes… Anyways, in conclusion, this site is a pretty great site, it has lots of different content which has an excellent quality to it, it’s worth visiting, and even paying, but once again, for the love of god, just change that disgusting blue color, will you? Like, I can’t even subside my raging hatred for it. Fuck this, and I’m out.